life crisis

i desperately want it to be unreal. that it never happened.
it took every ounce of my being to struggle, to kick and scream, to claw my way back to life.
there were times, truthfully, at uncommon frequency, when the tired heart just begged to not fight anymore.

i was awakened this morning as if from a very bad dream.
i looked around and everything else remained unchanged.
yet my health my mind my life soul & spirit will never ever be the same...