tabitha

i really miss my tabitha.
did i tell you already about her?

i had been living alone in a one-bedroom apartment for some time when i finally got tired of the emptiness. when my landlady came over to ask if i wanted to sign for another year's lease, i said, "let me have a cat and i'll sign the lease tonight."

she said, "oh, then you can have my cat!"

apparently, she could not take care of the poor feline because she's busy, and that her son wasn't all that caring either. my landlady said that she normally wouldn't allow pets in the apartment, but she supposed she could make an exception.
 
i said, hell yeah, give me the cat. so we went back to her apartment that same night, and i got meself a big cute mommy-cat.

my landlady called the cat 'tabby'. i was thinking, "erckhh, tabby??" i started calling my cat 'tabitha.' her full name was ms tabitha 'tabby-boo!' greeneyes. she had these marvelously bright green eyes!

tabitha quickly warmed up to me. on her first night over, she slept with me on the bed. on her second night i found that she loved to sleep on my body, while she purred serenely, lulled by the rise and fall of my chest, all cozied up to my warmth.

and i found out that she absolutely loved milk. i mean, yeah, cats love milk, but tabitha reeeeaally loved milk. couldn't have enough of it. she would have all the milk i gave her till the bowl was bone-dry, and she'd be so full she wouldn't touch the catfood. i had to ration her milk quota, a little dose now and then, long as she kept eating her food too. and her catfood of choice was only purina catchow chicken blend. that, and sometimes, fried chicken. so whenever i prepared fried chicken for dinner, she would have her share too, and we would eat together.

unlike the other cats, though, tabitha was scared of outdoors. i told her to go out, and she refused. i held the door wide open, and she would scamper and hide in the toilet. so, sometimes i would have to hold her in my arms, just standing there by the door, and let her soak in the apparent non-threatening environment outside, and when she calmed down, i would slowly set her down and nudge her out. go on babe, i'd encourage her. there you go, see, nothing to it. now go find yourself some boyfriends.

(i think she did find a casanova, coz one time she walked in the door very casually, without even hustling like usual, whistling almost, as if she got herself some. and there were some nights when she sat staring at the door for a long time, and when i opened the door, she just scooted off like she's late for a date. hihi. i felt like yelling out, "be back home by midnite, missy, or you will be in big trouble!")

other times, when i thought she had been staying at home a little too much, i would just grab her outside and shut the door.  i'd stay outside with her, pretending not to hear her meowing at me and at the door, while i made some phonecalls or else sit reading on the porch, and i would watch her slowly venturing into the backyard garden to examine some bush or chase a butterfly.

what a girl.

everytime i came back from work, i would find her waiting for me by the door. every single time, and she always waits. i would sing, "hellooooo ms tabitha!" and she would meow back, rubbing her body against me. i would fix her some food, and some milk, and she would dine to her heart's content. i would tell her about my day, and she would lick her paws.

sometimes she would run around the apartment, playing hide-and-seek with herself. sometimes i would join her, and chase her around, then hide, and let her chase me. when she sat on my bed, i would quietly slip my hand under the comforter, mimicking a movement of an animal, and she would jump at it, chase it, bite on it, look for movement again, and jump at it some more. it always made me laugh.

when i sat down on the couch to read, she would jump on my lap. i'd groan, "tabithaaaa i'm reading!" but i relented, and let her settle and purr, and i'd absent-mindedly play with her tail while i read, and she would let me.

and when it's time for bed, i'd say, "come on, babe, off to sleep." she would understand, and jumped onto the bed before i did. she'd wait till i got myself cozy under the comforter, before she gently climbed my body and claimed her space, and it's with that contented smile on my lips that i would fall asleep.

she was the love of my life, that cat.

but i couldn't bring her to my new apartment. my housemate's not a cat-person, and it takes a special devotion and affection to want a cat in your household, to want to clean up the hairballs, to change the litter, to stand the smell, to put up with hairsheds all over the sofa.

i had to let her go. i would have to leave tabitha at the apartment. my landlady was going to pick her up later.

after my final trip of sending all my stuff over to the new apartment, i went back to see tabitha for the last time. she looked sad, and lost, now that the sofa she used to sit on was gone, the table she used to hide under was nowhere there, her favorite bed wasn't around anymore, and that all were replaced by an unsettling echo of an empty place. i opened the door and found her sitting nervously by the corner of the living room, - she wasn't waiting me. i went to her, stroke her, and sat by her. she soon climbed onto my lap, and we sat in silence. i kept stroking her, and kept on murmuring, "i'm sorry... i'm sooo sorry... please forgive me... i'm so sorry..."

my heart was at my throat.

it took me so long to finally let go. i kissed her, and said goodbye. on my drive away, tears welled up my eyes.

even these days, i would wake up at nights to the stir of her climbing onto the bed, and i could almost feel her crawling by my side, nestling by my body, nudging me to move over a bit, resting her head on my fingers wanting me to rub her ears, and i'd hear her purr herself to sleep.

i miss her terribly.