the road, taken

 
"oh, but i took the first for another day,
yet knowing how way leads on to way..."

                             ***

i almost didn't go to the US.

after spm, my dream was to go to Universiti Malaya. dunno why, but all my life it had been an enormous lure for me to be a siswa UM.

spm, - and i don't mean to sound conceited about this - but, spm was easy. after the final paper, i felt exhilirated that i did very well. and i walked out of the gates of Sc Muar, confident that UM was closeby and calling.

and i made my choice clear to my mom: i want to go to UM.

the results came, and i got 9 aggregates. it was subpar to my standard, and i was depressed about it for awhile. but, hey, it was extraordinarily good enough for my university of choice, and that's all i care.

i waited impatiently for the college forms to come out. by chance, the early rounds of forms that came out were for oversea studies. i wasn't interested, wasn't even thinking of applying, but my mom convinced me to apply, - just for the sake, she said. and so i applied, just for fun.

soon, the other forms came out, and i filled those out too, with high hopes.

then, the waiting game began. the people who applied for the oversea programs got the first rounds of interviews and, amazingly, i wasn't one of them. even though i wasn't interested, i was miffed that they didn't call me for the selection process, coz it made me feel like i wasn't good enough for them.

the second round of interview calls came, and again i wasn't selected. by then, i got really peeved. everybody i knew got the calls.

things got quiet for awhile, and i was anxiously waiting for the UM interview, when the final round of interview came calling, and my name was finally selected. i was asked to go to the interview for the UK program, majoring in mechanical engineering, studying the first two years locally.

my aunt, who was at the time a lecturer for the same study-abroad program that i got called for, asked me about the upcoming interview. i said that it was for the UK, two years prep in Malaysia. she informed me that there's a program called the Top University program, that sends students directly to the top oversea colleges, and maybe with my spm results i was good enough for that. i was hmm-ing and yeah-ing, not really paying much care.

i wish i could say i went to the interview because i was a leeee-tle bit interested in going overseas. but, no, i went to the interview coz i was pissed. i felt like telling them, "what, i'm not good enough for you people?? let me show you what i got, hah!"

also, my mom wanted me to go. "just try your luck," she said, "who knows." she even went to accompany me.

the selection process had three stages. first was the attitude/ psychology test. easy ace, that one.

immediately after the test, one of the officials stood up and said, "okay, these students that i will call their names, please go to the upper floor because you applied for the top universities program and we have a different set of tests and interviews for you."

and he rattled off a bunch of names, about twelve of them, i think. the students got up and were hustled upstairs. then the official looked at the rest of us lesser-students and said, "anybody else i didn't called their names?"

and this was the moment that changed my life. in my cockiness, i raised my hand and stood up. the official asked my name, and i gave him. he shuffled some papers on his hands, and looked at my records. he looked at the papers long and hard, and then shook his head. "you're not supposed to be here," he said. "you have to go upstairs and join the other group."

and so i went, and joined the other creme-de-la-creme students. then the second stage of the test started, some math and english tests. i did well, i thought, at least on the math part.

(here's how uncaring i was about foreign stuff: there was question in the test that asked what a quarter, a dime, and a nickel, were. i didn't know.)

after that, came the last stage: the interview. we had to wait awhile, i supposed, for the officials to score our tests. and then one by one, our names were called for the interview. i saw a girl came out of the interview room, completely ashened. that got me nervous. then, my name was called.

here's how my interview went: it consisted of *amazingly* only three questions...

interviewer: [looking at papers] so, your name is iraz syamil?
me: yes, sir.

first question, score!

interviewer: [still looking at papers] okay... now, you've applied for the UK program. if we send you to the US program instead, will you accept?
me: um, yes, sir...

question two, score!

interviewer: [still looking at papers] alright, you applied for the mechanical engineering program, and if we ask you to do a different major, will you accept that?
me: [scratching my head] uh, ...whateva, sir.

question three, plus attitude, score!

(just so you know, the questions were in malay, not english as per customarily. and my precise answer to question three, as i recall, was, "apa-apalah, encik.")

he dismissed me, and i walked out of the interview room grinning. i found my mom waiting for me outside the building, and she asked, "how did it go?" i shrugged, and said, "i got it," and she was beaming.

but, remember, i was still clinging onto hopes that UM would come calling.

a few days later, when my parents weren't home, a telegram came. it said: "you have been hereby selected for the American Top University program for Mechanical Engineering studies, under full scholarship from the Malaysian Goverment's Department of Public Service..."

i'm telling you the truth, that i was horrified - horrified! - by the news. i was so unnerved by the offer, that i hid it from my parents when they came home. i had a hard decision to make: wait for UM, or go to US.

i broke the news only after days later, at my grandparents house. needless to say, everybody was excited by the news. it was at that point, watching my mom looked sooo contented, that i made my decision.

a month later, after a dizzying series of events, i found myself in faraway foreign continent.