raya & ayah

raya today.

called home. didn't know this, but turns out it's not raya yet in msia. my guess is that we in US didn't actually see the anakbulan but buat2 macam nampak la gitu so that dapat raya.

first words from my mother, upon hearing my voice:
"haaa!!!...bila nak balik?"

my response was, as i recall, some unintelligible mutterings, plus ackward laughter haha umm.

also managed talked to my dad. fyi, he is unwell these days, from what i've strongly suspected to be a mild-to-minor stroke but it was never confirmed because nobody else thinks it's stroke and he refused to go to the hospital anyway.

i swear, *sigh* when i get old, i'll probably turn out to be just like him: stubborn as hell.
kes sama anak sama la si bapak la ni.

anyway, managed to talk to him a little. he insisted that he's ok, only that his right hand is still very weak. he can't sit, and can't stand, for more than a few minutes coz the nerves will start pinching and the limbs aching. he hadn't had his berurut sessions lately sebab tukang urut pun jatuh sakit gak, what the crap. he quietly complained that his hair is getting long and that it's annoying coz he can't just up and leave for a barbershop. etc etc.

and then we had to stop talking because he said he couldn't hold the phone any longer.

i couldn't stop my heart from breaking.
the whole time when he's telling me all these his voice kept cracking and waning, far from the sunny upbeat voice that i once remembered.
he tried to sound chirpy, how brave of him, but i could already sense the frailty.

this just tears me apart.