and then and then..

A Winter's Tale

Upon recommendation by resz...
(who apparently is very old-school. hee! j/k)

Winter's Tale
song/lyrics by David Essex
(watch video)

The nights are colder now
Maybe I should close the door
And anyway the snow has covered all your footsteps
I can follow you no more
The fire still burns at night
My memories are warm and clear
But everybody knows it's hard to be alone
At this time of year

It was only a winter's tale
Just another winter's tale
And why should the world take notice
Of one more love that's failed
It's a love that could never be
Though it meant a lot to you and me
On a world wide scale
It's just another winter's tale

Why I stand alone
A bell is ringing far away
I wonder if you hear
I wonder if you're listening
I wonder where you are today
Good luck I wish you well
For all that wishes may be worth
I hope that love and strength
Are with you for the length of your time on earth

It was only a winter's tale
Just another winter's tale
And why should the world take notice
Of one more love that's failed
It's a love that could never be
Though it meant a lot to you and me
On a world wide scale
It's just another winter's tale

Deteriorata

Deteriorata

Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss and when.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right,
But that three lefts do.
Wherever possible put people on "HOLD".
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
Remember the Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mutilate.
Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you;
That lemon on your left for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls,
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face.
Carefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan,
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
For a good time, call 606-4311.
Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog
Is finally getting enough cheese;
And reflect that whatever fortunes may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Sioux City.
You are a fluke of the Universe.
You have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not,
The Universe is laughing behind your back.
Therefore make peace with your God whatever you conceive him to be,
Hairy Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.
Give up.

from the album Greatest Hits of the National Lampoon
(c) 1972 Visa Records
performed by Norman Rose
written by Tony Hendra
music by Christopher Guest

winter poem

my favorite winter poem, by my favorite poet.
enjoy!

The Colder The Air
by Elizabeth Bishop

We must admire her perfect aim,
this huntress of the winter air
whose level weapon needs no sight,
if it were not that everywhere
her game is sure, her shot is right.
The least of us could do the same.

The chalky birds or boats stand still,
reducing her conditions of chance;
air's gallery marks identically
the narrow gallery of her glance.
The target-center in her eye
is equally her aim and will.

Time's in her pocket, ticking loud
on one stalled second. She'll consult
not time nor circumstance. She calls
on atmosphere for her result.
(It is this clock that later falls
in wheels and chimes of leaf and cloud.)

Yak Yak Yak

Why Men Don't Talk
David Zinczenko (from Men's Health)

As the editor of the biggest men's magazine in the world, I am privy to something many women rarely hear - straightforward, uninhibited guy talk.

Don't be so shocked - guys do actually talk, and not just about Tom Brady's quarterback rating. Most women think their man is the strong, silent type (or maybe the oblivious, silent type), and they wonder why he doesn't share his feelings.

But here's the truth: Men do want to open up, about their hopes, their fears, and their passions. Yet put him alone in a room with you, and he often turns into a Sphinx. Why can't he take his eyes off the TV and talk about the state of the relationship, or the finances, or, heck, the backyard landscaping? Why in the world can't he just summarize his day for 10 minutes?

In fact, one in five women say that they typically fight about a man's lack of verbal interaction, and 30 percent of men say their failure to communicate is the source of major conflict in the relationship. Why is it this way?

Here's one answer: Because even men who have feelings to share don't always feel comfortable sharing them with their partner. These are some of the reasons why some men often prefer to zip it, rather than delivering the goods:

Guys Are A Little Intimidated
No question, women are expert communicators. They throw questions like Oprah after her third cup of coffee; they're connecting on all cylinders. And like the divine Ms. W, women bring a lot of skill to their game: A special awareness of the people-scape around them, a keen set of emotions keyed to that awareness, and a rich vocabulary they use to talk about anything at anytime.

And they're always practicing their Q&A skills on their many friends, so they're in top talk mode all the time. Men know this. And they also know that more than one-third of women say that men simply can't relate and don't understand women. The result: Men are afraid of saying too much, because saying the wrong thing may get them into more trouble than Lindsay Lohan as a designated driver.

Guys Need To Decompress
Woman's view: When a man walks in the door, he ought to cough up some of the details about his day. After all, it's been 10 hours since they've communicated, not counting the two IMs, three voice mails, and one actual mid-day conversation.

Man's view: Can I please make a beeline to the bathroom? When men reach home, it's like those ultra-marathoners staggering across the finish line in Death Valley. The last thing they want to do is discuss how bright the sunlight was, and how scarce the water stops were.

Further up on his want-to-do list after arriving home: 14 percent of men want to check email, 12 percent are looking for a little private time in the bathroom, and 10 percent simply want to eat dinner. The common theme here: After they've spent a day serving the needs of others, they want to take care of themselves a little.

So when a man is hit with a demand for conversation so closely after returning from the stressful environment of work, he has only one gear left to shift into, and sometimes it's reverse. He's retreat, retreat, retreat.

Guys Are More Comfortable With Actions Than Feelings
Rather than talking about how he "feels," often a man would rather express his love by changing her oil, or bringing home a flower, or relinquishing control of the remote.

And when men do talk, they'd prefer to talk about actions rather than emotions. For instance, a lot of guys would choose to express their long-range faith in a relationship by talking about next summer's vacation plans, not by launching into a soliloquy about undying love.

Both conversations can mean the same thing (that he plans on sticking around); he just prefers to say it with plane tickets, rather than poetry. It's one of the reasons men are more comfortable talking at work (the practical universe) than they are at home (the castle that emotion built). But you can bring out his great communicator by making him feel more like he's operating in work mode, even when the topic at hand is your love life.

Guys Don't Want To Be Put On The Spot
When men talk less and women want more, the scenario can escalate. Like when the bad cop is pummeling the reluctant witness, more silence equals more questions. A full 65 percent of men we surveyed recently told us they don't want their partners to ask them more questions about themselves.

It's clear that some men are just plain tired of feeling like they're on the witness stand. They're not necessarily hiding anything; many guys simply prefer not to have to relate confusing feelings that they may not even understand themselves.

An age-old tactic can make things better: Back off a little, give him room to operate in a conversation, and he's more likely to open up.

(emzadii's note: article edited for clarity)

chicago during winter

credit: The Chicago Tribune

see more chicago during winter pics

halloween pics!

me the specky Count

pool shot

caught munching doritos

eddy scissorhands, barkeep, me & smurfy

ms u-know-who

Foot In Mouth Award

note: the following entry is from the Plain English Campaign website

This award, which [the Plain English Campaign] first gave in 1993, is for a baffling comment by a public figure.

The 2007 winner of this award is the former England football manager, Steve McClaren, for the following comment he made [about soccer star Wayne Rooney] to Radio 5 Live:

“He is inexperienced, but he's experienced in terms of what he's been through.”

(George W.Bush came second for "All I can tell you is that when the governor calls, I answer his phone.")

---

Previous Winners:

2006

Naomi Campbell for "I love England, especially the food. There's nothing I like more than a lovely bowl of pasta."

---

2005

Rt Hon Rhodri Morgan AM, the First Minister for Wales, made this comment in a debate on policing: "The only thing which isn't up for grabs is no change and I think it's fair to say, it's all to play for, except for no change."

Rhodri was, in fact, good-humoured enough to reply to his award.

"I won this award before for my 'does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?' quote. In fact, it made my name. Jeremy Paxman is still trying to work out whether there is a deeper meaning behind my proverb. This latest award is not quite in that class, so it must have been a thin year.
Nevertheless, I am delighted that the Plain English Campaign tunes in to the Welsh assembly every Tuesday for my question time waiting for another one-legged duck."

---

2004

Boris Johnson MP for his remark on the BBC news quiz programme, 'Have I Got News For You'. "I could not fail to disagree with you less."

---

2003

Former United States Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld for comments in a press briefing. "Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns — the ones we don't know we don't know."

---

2002

Actor Richard Gere who said: "I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe and somebody said I was a snake, I'd think 'No, actually I am a giraffe.''

---

2001

Artist Tracey Emin, who explained "When it comes to words I have a uniqueness that I find almost impossible in terms of art - and it's my words that actually make my art quite unique."

---

2000

Hollywood star Alicia Silverstone for her comments quoted in the Sunday Telegraph.

"I think that [the film] 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."

---

1999

Former England manager Glenn Hoddle. When asked by Trevor McDonald to explain his controversial comments on people with disabilities, he said:

"I do not believe that. At this moment in time, if that changes in years to come I don't know, but what happens here today and changes as we go along that is part of life's learning and part of your inner beliefs. But at this moment in time I did not say them things and at the end of the day I want to put that on record because it has hurt people."

---

1998

Cardiff MP Rhodri Morgan. In an interview with BBC Newsnight's Jeremy Paxman he was asked if he would like to be the labour leader of the new Welsh Assembly. Rhodri replied "Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?" After a long puzzled pause Jeremy asked Rhodri if that was Welsh for yes!

---

1997

Nick Underwood of Teletubbies Marketing explained that "in life, there are all colours and the Teletubbies are a reflection of that. There are no nationalities in the Teletubbies - they are techno-babies, but they are supposed to reflect life in that sense."

---

1996

No winner.

---

1995

No winner.

---

1994

Dr Gordon Brown MP for his 'New Economics' speech. He covered "ideas which stress the growing importance of international co-operation and new theories of economic sovereignty across a wide range of areas, macro-economics, trade, the environment, the growth of post neo-classical endogenous growth theory and the symbiotic relationships between government and investment in people and infrastructures - a new understanding of how labour markets really work and constructive debate over the meaning and implications of competitiveness at the level of individuals, the firm or the nation and the role of government in fashioning modern industrial policies which focus on nurturing competitiveness."

---

1993

Former England cricket boss, Ted Dexter desperately tried to explain away another England defeat at the hands of the Australians by saying "Maybe we are in the wrong sign. Maybe Venus is in the wrong juxtaposition with something else. I don't know."

(Although we did not yet have a Foot in Mouth award at the 1991 ceremony, we made a special mention of a quote by United States Vice President Dan Quayle.)

"We offer the party as a big tent. How we do that (recognise the big tent philosophy) with the platform, the preamble to the platform or whatnot, that remains to be seen. But that message will have to be articulated with great clarity."

Rules for Students

...that schools don't teach.

Rule No. 1: Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teenager uses the phrase "It's not fair" 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule No. 1.

Rule No. 2: The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as much as your school does. It'll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that it's not fair. (See Rule No. 1)

Rule No. 3: Sorry, you won't make $40,000 a year right out of high school. And you won't be a vice president or have a car phone either. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a Gap label.

Rule No. 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he's not going to ask you how you feel about it.

Rule No. 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren't embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.

Rule No. 6: It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of "It's my life," and "You're not the boss of me," and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it, or you'll sound like a baby boomer.

Rule No. 7: Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your bedroom.

Rule No. 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn't. In some schools, they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. Failing grades have been abolished and class valedictorians scrapped, lest anyone's feelings be hurt. Effort is as important as results. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life. (See Rule No. 1, Rule No. 2 and Rule No. 4.)

Rule No. 9: Life is not divided into semesters, and you don't get summers off. Not even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And you don't get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on. While we're at it, very few jobs are interested in fostering your self-expression or helping you find yourself. Fewer still lead to self-realization. (See Rule No. 1 and Rule No. 2.)

Rule No. 10: Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs. Your friends will not be as perky or pliable as Jennifer Aniston.

Rule No. 11: Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.

Rule No. 12: Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time you're out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That's what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for "expressing yourself" with purple hair and/or pierced body parts.

Rule No. 13: You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously haven't seen one of your peers at room temperature lately.

Rule No. 14: Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school's a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now. You're welcome.

note: These rules were put forth by Charles J. Sykes in his book "Dumbing Down America". They have been inaccurately floated through the Internet being attributed to Bill Gates. Most often they appear with 11 rules leaving off three that the original author had written.

speedbump

nike's leave nothing

while still on the subject of commercials, here's an awesome one from nike. and in my mind, i picture my brother jian liking this too, knowing his favs of allthings computer graphics, football, and great soundtracks. so enjoy bro!

dude...

cracks me up everytime i see this commercial... doooooooood!!

He Can't HEAR YOUUUU!!

Why Can't He Hear What You're Saying?
Read on for insight into why men misinterpret what you say — and how you can make yourself heard.
By Bryan Stipe (from MSN Lifestyle)

It was a novice mistake, I admit — the kind of dumb thing you do two months into a relationship, not four years. My wife and I were having dinner with friends and I was telling a story about how her brother crashed his car. Yes, maybe I hyperbolized a little bit, played it for laughs at his expense. So when Kristen shot me her death-ray look across the table — the one that means: You have committed some gaffe, said something offensive, revealed something private, etc., and should cease and desist — I ceased and desisted.

But afterward, on the car ride home, she was still mad. "I mean, at this point you shouldn't even apologize," she said. So I didn't apologize. I said I understood. I held her hand a little in the car, and when we got home I made a bowl of ice cream and watched Big Love. Later, Kristen came into the den, all dressed for bed, and stood silently watching Bill Paxton and wife number two in flagrante. "Well," she finally snapped, "you could have at least apologized!" When I protested that she'd told me I shouldn't apologize, she said, "It would have been a good place to start."

At that moment, I became a walking marriage cliché. You know the cliché I'm talking about. It goes: My wife speaks a strange alien tongue that I, no matter how hard I try, am too dumb to learn. It was one of those moments when you identify with that line from Knocked Up: "Marriage is an unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond."

But there's a reason the cliché exists: A lot of the time we guys do need help in the "What the heck are you talking about?" department. The Everybody Loves Raymond way of explaining this phenomenon is that we men are too thick to read between the lines. And, okay, this is kind of true. Kristen will try to tell me in every possible way about presents she'd like me to get for her. She might say, "Hey, those earrings are nice!" And nine times out of 10, I do not copy. I might think, Wow, she really likes to talk about jewelry a lot or Wow, does she not realize that I'm not a woman and that I don't care about earrings? Maybe if I'm quiet for long enough she'll change the subject.

The less Raymond-y way of explaining why we don't understand you is to say that we simply have different ways of talking. Men have two modes of communication: saying what we mean and repressing what we mean. We either say, "What you said the other night really pissed me off" or we say, "Hey, wanna go see Knocked Up?" Women, on the other hand, use a little more nuance. You imply things more than men do; you depend more on subtext. I remember in the beginning of our marriage, Kristen kept telling me that I looked sexy in black underwear. It took me about two months to translate that into "Your old white underpants are graying and disgusting. Please get rid of them and replace them with something that ages better."

The problem with subtext is that too often we men just don't catch it — and then we completely misinterpret you. I hate to say this, because yes, it's yet another "Men are so dumb" cliché, but it's kind of like when you pretend to throw a ball for a dog but really put the ball behind your back. The dog (man) is too stupid to keep his eye on the ball (the hidden meaning) and goes running after nothing. For example, a guy I work with, Alex, told me this story about sex with his girlfriend (oh, yes, we talk about this at work; we married men may not share, but we sure like to listen to the stories of the unmarried and their weekends of riding crops and whipped cream). Alex and Alicia were in the throes of foreplay, and when he started heading south, she said, "No, don't do that." He thought, Okay, she's feeling a little self-conscious, isn't in the mood for that, whatever. It wasn't until later, when she was acting pouty, that he finally got it out of her that she was in the mood for it — she just wanted to make sure he was, too. In fact, she wanted him to be so desperate to do it that he'd beg her to let him. But she didn't want to have to say so.

This falls under my Grand Unified Theory of Male-Female Miscommunication: We misunderstand you most often when you want something but are afraid to (or don't think you should have to) ask for it, whether that thing is compassion or a back rub. Part of the problem is that you all are a lot nicer than we are — demure in some cases, and, it must be said, passive-aggressive in others. Alicia was too shy to tell Alex what she really wanted sexually. Kristen wanted me to "get" that she wanted those earrings without her having to ask for them. But when a man misses his cue, both parties can end up pissed. You feel like you're not being treated very well, and blurt out what it is you wanted all along (but are probably too annoyed to want anymore anyway). We feel like we've been ambushed. I'd say that's the dynamic driving fully half of the fights I have with my wife.

There is a way out. And that is: Show us some mercy. We really do want to understand you. And we are often a little intimidated in the communications department, partly because we know we have a reputation for being so bad at it. But look at us. We're trying so hard! Doesn't that count for something?

And we are not entirely untrainable: Over the course of a relationship, we'll (hopefully) pick up a few things. Recently, my friend Scott had a fight with his girlfriend about whether or not they were going to have dinner with his mother the following week. He'd been in this relationship long enough to know that what his girlfriend was really complaining about was not whether they'd see his mother, but his inability to plan anything more than five hours beforehand. So he said, "Let's plan right now for next week's dinner." That made everyone happy.

Even when your rules don't seem logical to us, we'll learn them by rote if necessary. The snafu about my wife and her brother, for example, taught me to apologize even when she tells me not to. Another rule I recently committed to memory: When the woman in your life has a crappy day, just listen and sympathize and express venomous contempt for those who have wronged her rather than trying to explain why it wasn't so bad.

Of course, that brings up a caveat. A man is not above gaming the system — that is, pretending not to understand what he doesn't really want to understand. "I didn't know you wanted those earrings!" he'll protest, instead of admitting, "I didn't want to spend that much money." After all, just because we're dumb doesn't mean we're stupid.

Blah, blah, blah!

For years, researchers have claimed that women talk way more than men — one oft-cited stat is that women use 20,000 words a day while men use only 7,000. But it turns out that women and men both use an average of 16,000 words per day, according to a recent study from the University of Texas at Austin.

Lost in Translation
What he really hears when your lips are moving.

You say: "Ugh, my boss is horrible. I had the worst day."
You mean: "I really need to vent about my day."
He hears: "Tell me how to fix my relationship with my boss."

You say: "Hey, can we talk?"
You mean: "I have something important to tell you."
He hears: "You screwed up, buddy."

You say: "Oh, those shoes don't go with that belt. Why don't you wear the brown ones?"
You mean: "I just want to help you look good."
He hears: "Aw, the widdle baby can't dwess himself!"

You say: "Let's straighten up in here."
You mean: "Let's straighten up in here."
He hears: "I resent that you're a pig."

You say: "I'm so sorry you had such a rough day. You must feel terrible."
You mean:"I want you to know I empathize with you."
He hears: "I feel sorry for you, you sad sack of a man."

You say: "Do you think that woman's hot?"
You mean: "Tell me that I'm hot."
He hears: "DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! DO NOT ANSWER!"

Huh?!
Men's ability to process language and understand what's being said to them begins to diminish starting in their 30s. Women retain this ability until menopause.

Source: Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget by Marianne J. Legato, M.D.

Why doesn't he see what I need?

The love expert says... He takes everything personally.

"If I call a friend and say, 'I'm having a terrible day,' she'll drop everything and ask, 'Are you okay?' A woman hears complaints as an invitation to move closer. But a man hears complaints as an indication that he's failed. He measures his very worth by his ability to provide and protect, so in his mind, if he were doing his job, she wouldn't be unhappy.

"Does this mean a woman can never complain to a man? Of course not! Men really want to please women. All you have to say is, 'Would you help me with...' or 'I would love it if....' Go beyond the complaint or criticism and get at the desire. High-maintenance women don't scare men. Men actually like it because it gives them a clear set of rules for how to improve, and they can tell when they're succeeding."

—Pat Love, coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

Why doesn't he understand me?
The linguist says... He assumes you're trying to be the boss of him.

"In general, men focus on hierarchy and women on connection. I always find it fascinating to go back to studies of how kids talk: Boys use talk to negotiate their status within a group, while girls use talk to negotiate closeness. This difference can cause misunderstandings with apologies, for example. When a man makes some small transgression, his wife might feel that if he'd just say, 'I'm sorry,' it would be over. But he won't, and then you end up arguing about why he won't apologize. For many women, an apology means, 'I care that I let you down; I care about you.' If he doesn't apologize, it's like he doesn't care. But for men, asking for an apology is a demand that he publicly humiliate himself. He thinks apologizing is a sign of weakness, and that you'll use it against him, because that's what another man would do. So when you say, 'Why won't you apologize?' he hears, 'I caught you in an error and I'm going to rub your nose in it.'"

—Deborah Tannen, Ph.D., professor of linguistics at Georgetown University and author of You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation

Why doesn't he really listen?

The psychologist says... He's too busy trying to fix the problem.

"There's a difference between how men and women process stress. In a woman, stress produces a reaction in the emotional center of the brain. Talking stimulates the production of serotonin to relax the brain, so she'll instinctively talk in order to feel better.

"For a man, stress triggers a reaction in the action center of the brain. So when you talk to him about a problem, he's so intent on taking action to fix it that there's no way he can actually hear your point of view. But if you tell him that the solution is just to listen, he can relax. He doesn't have to hunt for a solution, so he can listen, and maybe even empathize."

—John Gray, Ph.D., REDBOOK Love Network expert and author of the upcoming Why Mars and Venus Collide

Why can't he figure out what I'm really saying?

The psychiatrist says... He's hardwired differently from you.

"In brain-imaging studies, women have more blood flow to the parts of their brains that produce and interpret language, and there are more interconnections between the emotional center and the verbal center. Men have less well-defined connections between the verbal and emotional parts of their brains. Early-childhood studies show that girls have a greater capacity for verbal communication than boys — they're more skilled at using words as a way of sharing their experience.

"The big problem between husbands and wives is that they don't realize how the other functions. A woman expects that since she is able to freely talk about her emotions, her husband is equally able to do so. Meanwhile, a man tends to view his wife's efforts to communicate as simply sharing information, not as sharing an emotional experience. So if she says, 'I'm upset that our son hasn't called to tell us he got to his friend's house,' he might say, 'I'm sure he's all right,' focusing on the 'Is he safe?' question. What she's really saying is, 'I'm anxious, I'm scared.' But he's not focusing on her emotional experience."

—Scott Haltzman, M.D., REDBOOK Love Network expert and author of the upcoming Secrets of Happily Married Women

Told you so!
If you and he disagree about who said what when, chances are you're right (you knew it!): Studies have shown that women are better at recalling the spoken word than men.

Outsmart Your (Crazy) In-Laws

5 Ways to Outsmart Your In-Laws
Playing the nice card will make those extended holiday visits (practically) painless.
By Dina Koutas Poch (from MSN Lifestyle)

Even if you hit the in-law lottery and won a stellar set of bonus-parents, it's hard to remain sane when you are staying in their home for the weekend -- or, yikes -- a week. But instead of rolling your eyes or escaping to the bathroom for "me" time, try going with the flow. It will make the hours pass more smoothly, and you can always use your model behavior to blackmail your spouse next holiday season.

Bring a Special Dish

This 9 x 13-inch offering is your clever token of gratitude. It shows you appreciate how much effort your in-laws put into hosting the holidays. Aren't you a peach! The real truth is you've guaranteed there's something digestible on the table, and you get to avoid the family specialty of Beef Cups with Pizza Rice. Best of all? Your winter squash gratin will limit the amount of time you'll have to spend in the kitchen.

Embrace How They Do Things

Your in-laws probably don't post a "House Rules" sign on the front door, but you know that their thermostat never rises above 60 degrees, everyone eats dinner at 5:30 p.m., and the whole gang gathers around the TV whenever there's a M*A*S*H marathon. Welcome to clannish behavior!

Rather than recoiling, indulge in at least one family tradition. Remember: Your family's way of doing things isn't necessarily correct, so get over yourself and join in the fun.

Accept Gifts Strategically

No, you can't immediately go on eBay and list the bald eagle bookends your in-laws gave you because they'll look for them on the next visit … unless you tell them you love the gift so much that you brought it to work. This response can be used with a plethora of tacky decorative items. What are the chances your in-laws will see your office?

Throw the Family Pet a Bone

Nobody seems to mind that your in-laws' dog isn't house-trained and bites because "she doesn't like strangers." The way to their hearts is through their best friend. So bring along pet toys. You'll be praised as a thoughtful daughter/son-in-law and may even avoid getting tooth marks in your leg.

Once you make nice with Fluffy or Spot, you'll notice a shift: The dog won't leave you alone. Which is why you'll need to softly repeat these mantras to yourself:

• I accept that there will be dog hair on my new J.Crew shirt/Michael Kors sweater.
• I accept that their 100-pound, slobbering golden retriever will climb on my lap and refuse to move, even when I need to get up to go to the bathroom.
• I accept that after all this tender, loving torture, the dog will probably forget who I am the next time I show up at this house.

Silence Your Inner Cruise Director

Recommending novels, restaurants, or movies can be risky. Sure, you brought the squash gratin, but you chance falling out of favor if your movie rental choice, D3: The Mighty Ducks, bores them to tears, or if your seafood eatery (the one with the rave reviews) gives everyone the Norwalk virus. Sometimes, it's best to be bland, boring, and unopinionated -- for once.

Heroes: Finale

Heroes Drops Some Dead Weight

by Natalie Finn from E! News
Mon, 3 Dec 2007 11:12:44 PM PST

(SPOILER ALERT: This article recaps the winter season finale of Heroes.)

Hayden Panetierre as Claire-bear

As a politician, Nathan Petrelli really should have known you never precede a major revelation by announcing you're about to announce a major revelation.

By having Nathan (Adrian Pasdar) shot before he could expose the Company's misdeeds to the world, the late congressman's mother and her shady cohorts simultaneously opened Pandora's box and capped off the final episode of Heroes in 2007, and perhaps the 2007-08 television season.

As creator Tim Kring promised E! Online's Kristin Dos Santos on Nov. 20 after marching down Hollywood Boulevard with his fellow Writers Guild of America members, Monday's episode was "very much like a finale"—as it kinda had to be.

Although a winter hiatus was in the cards regardless, the upcoming break from Heroes is of an undetermined length thanks to the writers' strike currently plaguing the TV and film industries.

In addition to halting production on a bunch of movies and most of the TV series worth watching, the walkout put the kibosh on NBC's plans for the six-episode midseason offering Heroes: Origins.

So while "Volume One" lasted the length of Heroes' first season, during which it became a breakout hit for NBC, "Volume Two" ended tonight, boasting multiple "season finale" elements:

• Resolution: Nathan and Parkman (Greg Grunberg) knocked some sense into the power-mooching Peter (Milo Ventimiglia) just in time for him to employ his object-control and radiation abilities to nuke a vial of the Shanti virus with his bare hands.
• Open-ended resolutions: Sylar (Zachary Quinto) got his powers back, Claire (Hayden Panettiere) knows dad (Jack Coleman) isn't dead, Claire's blood is the new Red Bull and—how'd he do it?!—Hiro (Masi Oka) buried Adam (David Anders) alive in what looks to be the cemetery where Sulu, er, Hiro's father (George Takei) was laid to rest. (Well, obviously Hiro bridged the time-space continuum.)
• Deaths: Angela Petrelli (Cristine Rose) pulled a Livia Soprano and planned the offing of her firstborn son. Niki, Jessica and Lisa (all Ali Larter) won't be missed but got kind of a lousy, albeit fiery, sendoff, especially since Monica (Dana Davis) isn't exactly the most endearing character to date yet.
• Change of heart: Elle (Kristen Bell) felt good about saving people for a change, now that she knows her dad is no Claire-Bear-loving Noah Bennet type. Maya (Dania Ramirez) knows Sylar killed Alejandro (Shalim Ortiz), so maybe her weird Niki-esque power will serve a purpose next season.
• Unintentionally hilarious moment: The looks on Peter and Parkman's faces during their brief mind-control fight.
• (emzadii's note: also noteworthy hilarity were the looks on Nathan and Parkman's faces after their 'flight'.)
  
• Completely unresolved: Um, Caitlin? Where are ye?

Whether the handful of answers and the excessive bloodletting was enough to appease the Emmy-nominated drama's increasingly disgruntled fans remains to be seen.

The backlash over season two's frailties, from the ridiculous amount of time spent following Hiro in medieval Japan to the unfulfilling romantic connection between Claire and West (Nicholas D'Agosto) to the pointlessness that is Peter's dialogue, actually had Kring publicly apologizing earlier this month to Heroes' remaining fans (viewership is down 15 percent from last year).

He may not have apologized for that last one, but someone should.

''We assumed the audience wanted season one—a buildup of intrigue about these characters and the discovery of their powers," Kring told Entertainment Weekly on the first day of what is now a nearly monthlong strike. "We taught [them] to expect a certain kind of storytelling. They wanted adrenaline. We made a mistake.''

Luckily, the Nov. 5 episode showed there was life on the Heroes' constantly threatened Earth—which, prior to how it looked at first glance, was threatened this time by a deadly virus, not the same old nuclear disaster that threatened Cheerleader & Co. last season (although the New York-in-ruins set looked eerily familiar).

As for Hiro's misadventures in Japan—necessary, because they turned the rogue Takezo Kensei into the regenerative mass murderer he is now—Kring admitted that they took up too much screen time.

"It should have [lasted] three episodes," he said. "We didn't give the audience enough story to justify the time we allotted it."

Overall, "the message is that we've heard the complaints—and we're doing something about it.''

While the question of whether Heroes is back on track is still debatable, it unfortunately looks as if the sci-fi drama's brain trust is going to have a lot of time on its hands to plan its next move.