winged seraphs of heaven

when i was a child, i truly sensed the presence of angels on my shoulder. i don't mean i believe that there were angels, because belief would infer faith. i just knew they were there, these shining presence, watching over me.

sometimes, i would close my eyes and feel them. whenever i sensed trouble, i could almost see them averting disasters away. whenever i was happy, my heart beamed a smile to them. i felt protected, i felt safe. thru-out my life, i have never had a broken bone in my body, never been in an accident, never befell upon a serious illness, thank god.

i haven't felt them much, lately. maybe they're a little tired of me. maybe they're just keeping a little distance from me. i just hope they'd come back, coz it's getting dark out here in my corner of the world.

kumari the camry

i drive an old, beat-up, 1988 Camry. her name's Kumari; actually, her full name's Kumari Letchumi, sebab kaler dia gelap sket. hee! but my true dream car is a Chrysler Sebring, or an Acura Legend - all leather, power-everything, moon/sun-roof, full controls access on the wheels. they cost around $3000, used, which is within my reach. i can already picture myself driving my luxurious car down Lake Shore Drive, wind in my hair, wowwing the babes. woohoo!

yeah, right, like that'll happen. uh-huh.

my job requires a lot of driving, so the camry fits the bill. i logged close to a hundred miles per week, mostly stop-and-go, and on thursday - which is my heaviest loadwork - the car won't get to be idle much for over twelve hours straight. that is a lot of punishment for a car, but so far ms kumari letchumi just seems to shrug it off. good girl, that one.

but the thing is, if a car makes a man, then i'm a scrape at the bottom of the barrel. that's pretty much negating any charm effect on the ladies. i mean, really, have you ever seen girls turning heads over a beaten-up car?

new guy

new housemate moves in today. the kid's name is israel, from the philippines - hmm, go figure. seems like a decent guy, though.

p/s: still no email from her

her poem

i am sooo inspired, that i wrote a poem for her. it's about a poet who laments how he could not adequately dedicate his lady's beauty if even he was a accomplished painter, or a singer, or a sculptor. the poem still needs work, though, but here's how the final stanza goes:

would a painter, in all his depths
of tints and strokes and shades-
or else, an artiste, aloft with melodies
that to lover's heartstrings reverberates-
not even the artful sculptor, to her image,
could hold such beauty's shape and sway:
i am but a poet, with yet unworthy words -
and these are my colors - my song - my clay.

please do not, do not, do not email me about how tacky/cheesy/pathetic it is. girls don't fall for poems, i know... *sigh*

floating on air

saw the girl again! *floating on air* i am soooo in love. before i went to the currency exchange, i bought a small cute greeting card, hoping that i might get the chance to give it when i see her. i didn't want to hypes my hopes up, though, coz god knows she may not be there. when i walked into the place, i peered around, but saw she was nowhere near. my heart just dropped to the floor. then i walked to the nearest window, and there she was!, attending to me!, and my heart just leapt.

she was just a lovely as i remembered her. she said hi, and i said hi back, and while we were attending to the business at hand, i took out the card and scribbled, "you are amazingly cute! - will you email me?" i wrote down my email add, and slipped the card across. i was immensely nervous, my head was spinning, my heart was racing, my knees were shaking, and my nostrils may or may not have been flaring. she saw the card, took it, beamed me a smile, and furtively put the card aside. (apparently she might have been startled by the bravado, coz she forgot the coin change, which i gently reminded her and she then gave with an embarrased smile.) before i left, i nodded towards the card and whispered, "don't forget about that." and then i practically ran out like a schoolboy who just yelled i-like-youuu! *sigh* what a fumbling knucklehead she must think i am.

and i still don't know her name...

to the lady (i know not her name)

a poem keeps buzzing my head, everytime i think about the mystery girl. i wrote the poem, for fun, to iza when i first saw her - back when i was so bedazzled by her gorgeousness but had no idea what her name was. here it is:

To The Lady (I Know Not Her Name)

To the Lady with pleasing look:
Pity, - I know not her name;
But how now my heart is hook'd
To this so adorable a dame!

Her face so fair - her smiles so sweet;
Her pleasant air - of flower's fame;
Her gracious gait - her eyes! - her lips! -
O But if I know her name!

Her beaming beauty in first of sight
Would even the barbarous beast tame,
And the noblest of nobles equally lame,
That the sun will shed its light,
And the moon will shun its night,
And Summer succumbs her diadems!

O how will my nights, how will my days!
How will my life be ever the same!
How in my heart love so restlessly lay!
How but only I know her name!

So to you my young lady lovely:
This song I sing to thee -
This soul I send to thee -
O what pity! O what shame!
O what only I know your name!

(c)1994

heavenly encounter

every thursday, after finishing up my work, i would stop by a currency exchange i'd usually go to and get a money order for my cash collection. so i walked into the place, and stepped to the next available window. i was carelessly fumbling through the pieces of papers in my hands, when i looked up, and gasped, oh-lord-in-heavens!, that i swore i saw before me the vision of an angel. (-- insert angel music here)

she was exquisitely beautiful. no, she was so perfectly beautiful. the mere sight of her just took my breath away. there's light in her eyes, warmth in her cheeks, life in her lips. the way her hair falls, the gentle lines of her brows, the oh-so-cute nose. and her smile just melts my heart.

i was ensorcelled -i was bewitched - i couldn't take my eyes away from her. then she snapped me out of it, when she said, "can i help you?" i was stammering. "uh..." (sheesh say something nice, syamil you big idiot!) and so i blurted, "you're new!" (what?? what?? *groannnn*)

she laughed, and said yes she was.

i called lin right after i left the currency exhange. "i am sooooo in loooove," i sang, and told her all about my heavenly encounter. what's her name, lin asked. i said i didn't get the chance to ask, and in fact i thought it'd inappropriate, that i was a customer and she was behind a glass and her boss was nearby and i shouldn't hit on her. and lin reprimanded, "oh for once in your life, syamil, just for once, don't be a chicken."

that, i am. *sigh*

electoral college

i read the other day about how most top-echelon Democrats are confident of a Bush defeat in November. I share the high hopes, yet I can't comprehend the optimism. I did some calculation of the electoral votes, and John Kerry has a lot to do to win the election.

First, Kerry has to win Wisconsin, Minnesota and Iowa - three states which Gore won by scarcely 2%. Then he has to carry the two big electoral states: Pennsylvania and Ohio. The most recent poll has Kerry edging Bush in Pennsylvania by within the sample error, and Kerry is trailing Bush in Ohio by 9 points. If Kerry loses both, he's 31 votes short. And dead.

If Kerry splits on Wisconsin and Minnesota, and splits Ohio-Pennsylvania, he then has 21 votes to capture. Also dead.
Let's say Kerry wins Wisconsin, Minnesota and Iowa, and splits on Ohio-Pennsylvania. He's then 11 votes shy. If he wins one of the Dakotas, or he wins New Hampshire, Kerry has 8 to go. Washington has 10 votes, Louisiana has 9, Colorado has 9, and Arkansas has 6; of these states, only in Washington that Kerry has a legitimate chance. Even this scenario is stretching the limits of possibility.
The other supposedly swing states are, in my estimation, a foregone conclusion. Florida will remain in the Bush column. Arizona, Missouri and Georgia will vote Republican. Michigan is definitely going Democrat, and so are New Mexico and Oregon.

On election day, look for New Hampshire to offer the first electoral drama. Voting there closes at 6pm ET and by 7pm, at 30+% precinct count, the networks should be able to project a winner. Then the Pennsylvania results will start trickling in, and a defeat here will make the loser's heart drop. After that will be the results in Iowa, Wisconsin and Ohio. Soon after, the projections in Louisiana, Arkansas and Colorado will follow. This, around 10pm ET, is when the 2004 election results will hinge.

It's going to be a fairly close election early on, and an exciting one. But I think Bush will win by at least 10. Bets, anybody?

new apartment

I just moved into a new apartment. New place, new people, new surroundings. It's quite getting used to.

Moving out was a nightmare. There was a time in my life that I seemed to change apartments about every few months. I'd lug all my stuff to a new apartment, unpack, and settle down, and then lug my stuff to a different apartment, and unpack, and settle down. If I were an elephant, my elephant wife would whine, "But what's wrong with THIS particular puddle of mud??" (Coz elephants always move, you see. I just saw Animal Channel.) It was just so exhausting.

So, when I moved to Chicago, I reaaaaaaally wanted to settle down. And I found me a nice quirky apartment. The landlady's a monkey, but hey, whatever. I got me a job, amassed some money, and started buying and owning household items such as, you know, brooms and the like.

And then came time to move to greener pastures. And I discovered that I just have sooo much junk! I mean, really, six waterglasses?? I have only one mouth, so how did I end up with six matching-set glasses? Eleven tupperware containers?? Eight china plates?? Sheesh. But, hmm, I might need them. Just in case. Yep.

And I never, ever, ask for anybody's help. Even when offered. Coz that's just me. If my friends ask me to lend a hand when they were moving out, I'd say yes in a heartbeat. But when I'm moving out, I just refuse any assistance. Partly I suppose, because I'm being macho, - and I am - that I think I could manage well enough by myself - and I do. But partly also because I find that people seem to think you are in their debt and pleasure after they give help. And that I hate.

So, how does the new apartment fare compared to the old one? Here:

Advantage:

• I now pay for rent, garage, and utility bills, all for far less than I'd pay for just the rent at my previous apartment.


• New apartment has a first class alarm system - a big plus coz now I can guard against people trying to steal, you know, my cups and stuff.


• Highway 290 and 90/94 are just minutes away, and that'd cut my commute to work by more than half. Saves gas. And traffic headache.


• I have my own garage space, so no more street-parking, no more brushing away leaves that fall like flies on the car, and no more scraping off five-feet of snow in the middle of a minus-twenty-degrees winterstorm.


• Housemates! After living alone for two years, it's really refreshing to come home and actually have a conversation with a living human being, instead of talking to the doorknob.


• Blocks away from the el train station, so it'd be easy when a girl - any girl- would want to visit me. Ooo-yeah, uh-huh. Like that will ever happen.

Disadvantage:

• Miles away from a golf course, which before was just outside of my doorstep. (but, hey, since I'd now play golf less, I could really use all the money I'm saving to get that $399 titanium driver I've been eyeing for, and the $109 Nike golf shoes, and the $149 iron set, and the $99 Tiger Woods All-Weather jacket, and, and, and...)


• No walking distance to the public library. UIC Library is nearby, though, but I'm not a student, so I can't become a member. Downtown Public Library is a little further away, but parking there is a biyatch. 25 cents for five minutes??


• No more early morning drive up the Northbound Lake Shore Drive, which I promise you is the BEST sunrise view in Chicago, rain or shine or snow.


• No cats! (*sniff* I missed Tabitha sooooooo much)


• Less privacy. I can't yell at the tv anymore, can't leave the radio on loud just because, can't rock-out my guitar to my heart's content, can't cook smelly food without opening the doors and windows and possibly rooftop.


• Nowhere near stores that sell halal chicken. Very important.


• Dominicks is only ten minutes drive away, but that's hardly a concession of ten minutes jolly-walking before.


• Still can't find a store that sells 99 cents for a big-ass bottle of diet coke.