handstands for you-oo-oo

1) this one caught my ear when it appeared in the recent commercial for iPod nano chromatic
2) cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute songggggggggggggg!!
3) dedicated to ms wetzel, whose heart i'm trying sooo hard to woo


(also: watch the iPod commercial)

Bruises
by Chairlift
First Verse:

I tried to do handstands for you
I tried to do headstands for you
Everytime I fell on you yeah everytime I fell
I tried to do handstands for you
But everytime I fell for you
I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for
you

I tried to do handstands for you
I tried to do headstands for you
Everytime I fell on you yeah everytime I fell
I tried to do handstands for you but everytime I fell for you
I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for

Chorus:

You-ooo
For you-ooo
So black and blue-oooo
For you-ooo

Man verse:
I grabbed some frozen strawberries so I could ice your bruisy knees
But frozen things they all unfreeze and now I taste like
All those frozen strawberries I used to chill your bruisy knees,
Hot July ain't good to me
I'm pink and black and blue

2nd Verse:

I got bruises on my knees for you
And grass stains on my knees for you
Got holes in my new jeans for you
Got pink and black and blue

Got bruises on my knees for you
And grass stains on my knees for you
Got holes in my new jeans for you
Got pink and black and blue for

Chorus:

You-ooo
For you-ooo
So black and blue-ooo
For you-oooo

Do-doo-do-do-do
Do-doo-do-do-do
Do-doo-do-do-do
Do-doo-do-do-do
Do-doo-do-do-do

neurotic love

more from Best of Craigslist:

Dear Boyfriend: I Love You, Please Don't Murder Me In My Sleep
Date: 2007-09-25, 2:02PM EDT

To my dear boyfriend, who is so amazingly and unendingly neurotic - I am onto you!

I like you and how you are. I'm also pretty sure that something must go wrong here, and I've decided that the issue will lie in your mental health. To be able to confirm or deny these suspicions, read on:

1) Your cleaning fixation - I get it. You feel comfortable when things are a certain way. These little tidy rituals help you sleep better at night, or whatever. Everything you own has a certain drawer, a certain order, a certain placement. This was fine and kind of cute until I woke up to you remaking the bed I WAS SLEEPING IN because I'd laid the stripes on the comforter wrong. WTF. Seek help.

2) Your friends - You seem to think that no guys really have many friends. That's just not true! Granted, you have two older brothers that you idolize and that's kind of like having friends, but not really. Your only two non-related friends are SUCH LOSERS. One is in LOVE with Redneck-Bumfuckville where you guys are all from (thank GOD you don't live there anymore). Seriously, his dogs are named "Boots" and "Boots' Friend". WTF!! The other friend lives with you, is terrified of social interaction, has some serious anger problems, and plays CounterStrike as his only hobby. Seriously. You can do so much better.

3)Your jealousy/lack of self-confidence - Darling boyfriend, you are 6'5, lean, good-looking, and hilarious. You're also a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. When we go to bars, girls turn around and double take when you walk by. You, however, have no concept of this because you're too busy staring down any guy that so much as looks near my general vicinity. You've had a longstanding feud with my promiscuous best friend because you're afraid she'll rub off on me... even though I've known her four years longer than I've known you. You've hated my roommate's boyfriend ever since he invited me to road trip with him to New Orleans (where our families both live) over Labor Day. What's the deal?

4) Your education - You halfway goddess-worship me because I finished three years at a fancy private college. Despite that fact that you're working to get your degree too, you apparently think I am WAY too smart from you (this was suggested by the aforementioned best friend, which is another reason you secretly hate her). When I write your papers and give you synopses of books you don't want to read, you act like I am parting with my own life-blood. I don't get it, personally, but I like how I write you a paper and you get all cuddly and loving. It's manipulative, but I'll take it.

5) Your commitment issues - You've only couple of serious girlfriends. The first cheated on you with and left you for someone you both knew. The second was a Hooters girl and you got so jealous that you dumped her. Your view is that they both fucked around on you and were out to break your heart. Therefore, you are more than slightly reluctant to admit any kind of feelings. And you keep saying that you don't know how to tell if you're REALLY in love. Make up your mind! No ultimatum here, but we're been dating for six months and this should be the good, easy part of the relationship. Lucky for you I see your emotional confusion and reluctance as a challenge, and I don't care if that makes me totally nuts.

6) Sex - You're a little uptight. You're good in bed, but not very confident and pretty scared to try new things. Although you have a serious interest in anal (not going to happen), you're terrified of a little bondage. Then we tried it, you got really into it, and now you're too timid to do it again. WEIRD. Also, when you tell me about your celebrity crushes, it weirds me out. Alexis Bledel? Avril Lavigne? Your whole top five is girls with physical quirks. Does that mean you're a serial killer and you'll eventually make me into a skin jacket? Who likes someone for their weird face shape or snaggle tooth, really?

6) You like me - You like all the weird shit I do. When I peel the sesame seeds off hamburger buns, when I refuse to wear clothing when I sleep, when I forget my keys/wallet/phone/whatever and borrow yours... you apparently think these things are endearing. I don't get it. You find my antics funny where others would be pulling their hair out. AND you get my weird sense of humor. I find this suspicious. Even my best friend doesn't get all the weird celebrity references that make up my joke reperetoire.

Basically what I'm trying to say here is that I love you, and that makes me think that you are probably a total nutcase. I'd appreciate if you could just come out with whatever rabbits you've got in the proverbial hat NOW so that I can being packing and moving to another state, getting a restraining order, or filing a missing persons report on you. Whatever needs to be done.

In the case that you're not a crazy truckstop-killer, can we settle down and make babies? Or at least move near each other and get two chocolate labs and walk them in the park every day?

Love,
Your highly suspicious girlfriend

* Location: Atlanta

stoner

from *again* the best of Craigslist:

To The Stoner Who Works At Cottage Inn Pizza
Date: 2007-09-18, 11:30AM EDT

You: the guy who answers the phone at cottage inn pizza
Me: Hungry and stoned out of my gourd

I called you from my cell phone but had completely forgot who I was calling by the time you answered the phone. Of course, you were also baked to bajeezus and forgot to tell me that I had called Cottage Inn.

When you answered and said, “Whatsup?” I thought about it, and after a 20 second pause I told you that was hungry. You suggested I try a pizza, and I agreed that it was probably a good idea.

Then I asked you if you sold pizza and you said that you could make me one. I said I wanted anchovies and something else on my pizza. You asked me what that something else was.

We spent five minutes listing toppings until we figured out that I was trying to remember how to say: “Sun dried Tomatoes.” When you said: “We'll bake that right up for you,” we both started laughing uncontrollably.

It was the best pizza I ever had; I just wanted to thank you for helping me out.

* Location: The One By Jimmy-Johns

Death Magnetic

My fav (so far...) from Metallica's new album 'Death Magnetic':
comment: the album does have a Justice For All feel to it, but...not quite. Still, welcome back Metallica! Fuckin-A!


That Was Just Your Life


Other favorites:
Suicide & Redemption
Broken, Beat & Scarred
Cyanide
The Unforgiven III
The Day That Never Comes

please report broken link

davichi

music videos feat. Lee Hyori (my gf... : P) & Lee Miyeon.
(tip: watch the videos first, then the subbed version)


Love You, Hate You
by Davichi

MV Part I:



watch: part I with eng. subs


Sad Promise
by Davichi

MV Part II:



watch: part II with eng. subs

lagu lembu

don't get me wrong, ok? i LOVE this song and it's on my top playlist, but... seriously, i can't help but suppress a gelak everytime the 'lembu' lyric comes on. FUNNYYY!!! hee!

take a listen:


11 January
Gigi

in memoriam

I will remember...

Zia

love the lyrics...!

Saranghae, Myanhae
(I Love You, I'm Sorry)
by Zia

album version & download

chicago pics

from the Chicago Tribune's Spectacular Chicago:

(i STILL love this city!!!)

Gayatri Mantra

"Om bhūr bhuvah svah
tat savitur varēnyam
bhargō dēvasya dhīmahi
dhiyō yō nah pracōdayāt"

the Gayatri Mantra, from the Rig Veda
(Battlestar Galactica Theme)

"Oh all-protecting lord,
Please guide our intellects,
So that we may proceed in the right direction
Towards enlightenment"

BSG Opening Sequence



Fan-made BSG Opening Sequence
<watch>

Just Friends

Best of Craigslist 8

from the Best of Craigslist:


who put the dead bird in my mailbox? - w4m
Posted: 2008-04-20, 12:56PM EDT

a) how did you get into my mailbox in the first place, it is locked
b) did you kill the bird
c) it died horribly, that much was clear
d) you're psycho
e) do I know you
f) if I do know you I don't want to know you
g) if I don't know you, what did I do to inspire you to put a dead bird in my mailbox
h) I don't know how to disinfect a mailbox from a dead bird, I'm worried about diseases and have used five different kinds of cleaner but still feel like the bird's still in there still and like my bills and my catalogues and my coupons have dead bird on them
i) it was a hummingbird, I looked it up - they don't even live in New York - this is so f*ing psycho, I can't believe this
j) are you the mailman?
k) I'm always nice to the mailman
l) the super didn't care when I told him what happened
m) the neighbors didn't care either
n) do you have some kind of problem with birds
o) don't put anything else in my mailbox
p) unless it's an apology
q) no, I take that back, I don't even want an apology
r) what am I supposed to do with this bird - it's in bubblewrap in a bag in a shoebox in the freezer right now - am I supposed to bury it - where? how? in a construction site where they've jackhammered through the concrete - where is a person supposed to bury things in this city?
s) I could drop it in the Gowanus canal, but that seems undignified
t) I could drop it in the ocean, but the ocean is so big and it is such a small bird
u) I could drop it in the toilet but it would probably get stuck
v) I hear this whirring around my ears every time I go to the mailbox and I'm pretty sure it's ghost bird, and I'm all "it wasn't me that killed you, bird!" but still the whirring doesn't go away until I get to the stairwell
w) am I supposed to eat it - maybe you were trying to feed me - don't you know I'm a vegetarian
x) if this was Ricky, I'm gonna beat your ass, mama told you stop bothering the zoo
y) if this was Gina, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, how many times I gotta say I'm sorry
z) I could drop it off the roof, maybe it will reincarnate while falling and I can start reading my mail again

Updates from the Best of Craigslist 7

from MSNBC:


Help-wanted ad for nanny: 'My kids are a pain'
College grad signs on for the job after mom sends out unusually honest ad

NEW YORK - It was an unusually honest ad for a live-in nanny, a 1,000-word tome beginning, "My kids are a pain." But it worked, attracting a brave soul who's never been a nanny before.

"If you cannot multitask, or communicate without being passive aggressive, don't even bother replying," Rebecca Land Soodak, a mother of four on Manhattan's Upper East Side, wrote Aug. 19 in her advertisement on Craigslist.

"I can be a tad difficult to work for. I'm loud, pushy and while I used to think we paid well, I am no longer sure."

This being the age of instant communications, the ad took on a life of its own, making the rounds of parenting blogs and e-mail inboxes and inspiring an article in Thursday's New York Times.

College grad takes the job
Soodak, a 40-year-old painter whose husband owns a wine store, eventually hired Christina Wynn, a 25-year-old University of Virginia graduate, to take care of Rubin, 12; Ellis, 9; and Shay and Cassie, both 6.

"I made a commitment to stay in the job for at least a year," Wynn told the Times. "I met the oldest child, but not the others, which my mother said was crazy — to accept the job without meeting all the kids. So we'll see." She noted that one of the pluses is that the children are all in school for several hours each day.

Some other excerpts from the listing: "If you are fundamentally unhappy with your life, you will be more unhappy if you take this job, so do us all a favor and get some treatment or move to the Rockies, but do not apply for employment with us."

And this: "Also, if you suspect all wealthy women are frivolous, we are not for you."

And this: "I have all sorts of theories on how to stack my dishwasher, and if you are judgmental about Ritalin for ADHD, or think such things are caused by too much sugar, again, deal-break city."

No word yet on whether a sequel to "The Nanny Diaries" is in the works. Meanwhile, Soodak tells the Times: "I hope she likes it here. I sent the ad to one of my old sitters and she said she felt it was pretty accurate, which sort of stung a little bit."

Best of Craigslist 7

from Best of Craigslist:


Live in Nanny Needed for 4 kids (Pls don't call them "Precious Ones")
Date: 2008-08-19, 9:03PM EDT

My kids are a pain in the ass. Just in the past hour, i have had to tell each one to do something more than once. oldest: can i have soda? it's just a sprite? please? can i? no, no and no.

the next one...don't even get me started. seriously.

the twin six year olds: one wanted dessert before her dinner was over, one kept wanting to know why I wouldn't let nine year olds swing her around by her limbs. (the fear of a dislocated shoulder did nothing.)

Please help me.

I can be a tad difficult to work for. I'm loud, pushy and while I used to think we paid well, i am no longer sure. i work from home, so you get the pleasure of being hounded by me all day long. and, you get to pretend to like me, because i am deeply sensitive. (but well dressed and a know it all, a winning combination I assure you.)

If you cannot multi task, or communicate without being passive aggressive, don't even bother replying.

If you are the type who doesn't notice crumbs on the table, skip to the next post, because crumbs are a deal breaker. they put me over the edge.

i have all sorts of theories on how to stack my dishwasher, and if you are judgmental about ritalin for adhd, or think such things are caused by too much sugar, again, deal break city.

You do get a separate entrance excellent studio on the ues. you do get air conditioner and internet connection and cable. even hbo. and showtime. you can bring your spouse, roommate or partner, but sorry no kids. If you ask, can i bring my kid, the answer will be...anyone? anyone? No.

If you can cook, all the better. otherwise, i'll teach you all sorts of things about pasta. (Here's a freebie, butter and parmesean, mmmmmm)

If you know anything about chess and violin i will be impressed.

We are not snobs, which is good. but then again, my kid sometimes swears to make a point. (We're working on it, but halfheartedly, because, well the apple doesn't fall far from the fucking tree.) Although I am told they are all very bright, they have not mastered the use of the oh so complicated napkin. This is a napkin Junior, say it after me...Nap Kin. Good boy.

i am not looking for Super nanny, or anyone who wants this job because they will love my kids as if they are their own. you won't. really. they are infinitely lovable, but trust me, they're mine and you will move on when your journey with us is over, and save for some funny stories and a delightful email every now and again, you won't grieve. Nor will we. (okay, we did all grieve a few of our past sitters, oddly they were all named Sarah or Kate, or Nikki. And Leah. Leah was delightful, even if she did drop my twin babies off our couch during a family gathering. Good times.

I don't want someone who has a lot of theories on the right way to raise kids, because in the end, I'm just a woman doing my best. I'm willing to learn from you, or anyone, but not so much about how i should parent my spawn. teach me to knit. introduce me to yoga, the white stripes, russian literature or the best place to get a burger in the village at 2am, but do not tell me to put star stickers on a good boy chart. stickers irritate me.

If you are fundamentally unhappy with your life, you will be more unhappy if you take this job, so do us all a favor and get some treatment or move to the Rockies, but do not apply for employment with us. Also, if you suspect all wealthy women are frivolous, we are not for you. I do not want to hide my occasional bergdorf shopping bag.

If you smoke, please quit. don't apply either, but please quit. i have known too many people diagnosed with cancer this year. Even if you are a judgmental nanny 911 wannabe, no one should have to endure some of the things I have witnessed.

You gotta be able to drive with a valid license, but if you've ever hit a human,move to the next post. You won't have to drive in the city, but if we go to our weekend place together, or if you make it to the summer and still work for us, we need you to run into town to get some pink milk, so be able to drive a mini van.

Can you swim? Swimming is good.

If you do drugs or drink enough so that you are grumpy in the morning and grumpier at night prior to that next cocktail, call AA, and peruse craigslist childcare positions when you have a year sober. I'll probably be looking again, and now is the time for you to focus on yourself anyway.

I need a team player. I need someone to back me up when it comes to remembering when the library books are due, and whether i have rsvped to that birthday party yet. Help me dear G-d keep track of our skim milk supply and also, also, also, what should I make for dinner tomorrow night?

the hours are 7 in the morning to 8:30 in the morning. We'd be in it together, getting the kids out with clean faces, brushed teeth and some food in their bellies. Doesn't that sound easy? Doesn't that sound doable?

Then come on back for a fun filled afternoon 2:15-8:15 of activities and playdates and snacks and dinners and homework and riveting conversations about global warming, hannah montana and guitar hero.

When you do get to go home (to that swanky studio and possibly a significant other or buddy) your time off will be respected. If I would like you to give extra hours, i'll ask. if you say yes, you get paid 15/ hour. if you say no, I will not fire you or hate you. Except if it is a school holiday or if i have a sick kid, then i might ask, and unless you have a final exam worth 2/3 of your grade or tix The Lion King, you may need to help out.

Okay, if you're still reading this ad, it means:
a) i am a halfway decent writer and maybe i really will get that book deal i'm yearning for
b) you need a job desparately
c) you think this just might be destiny, and that you could be one of the few, the proud, the potential babysitter of our dreams.
D) you want all the information about job requirements, so that you can write me emails about how I should stay home with my kids otherwise they are going to grow up to be sociopaths. (If my pen pal is out there, wassup? Found love yet? No? How 'bout that.)

best of luck to all of you in your search for a job. Seriously. Job searching sucks. No two ways about it.
RLS

Best of Craigslist 6

from the Best of Craigslist:


My women
Date: 2008-08-13, 6:40AM EDT

Laura. You were hot. I was not. You let me fuck you because I was funny. Thank you.

Kim. We smoked a lot of weed and drank all the time. I don't remember much.

Sarah. You were hot. But a total bitch. I could have done better. You treated me like shit. I put up with it because you had a great vagina. Beautiful.

Another Kim. You thought you were smart. You weren't. I was bored.

Charlee. I liked your name and the way it was spelled.

Rachel. You were really sweet and nice. Stop emailing me. It's been fifteen years. It's creeping me out and pissing off my wife. Fucking classmates.com.

Megan. I wanted you since highschool. I was kinda disappointed when it happened.

Jennifer. What the hell was I thinking? What the hell were you thinking? You smelled kinda funny too. Your dad was a dick.

Jill. You had HUGE nipples. Couldn't feel a thing though. Shame all that nippleage going to waste.

Michelle. You were a drug addict. You have to be pretty fucked up for me of all people to say that.

Another Megan. I lost your number.

Laura. I did it for the novelty of going out with a girl that I went out with ten years before. You were still hot. I got kinda hot. We were better matched. Thanks again. Sorry I dumped you. You were a shitty tipper. I had no choice. Some handsome and cool shitty tipping guy probably grabbed you. Or some funny wanker.

Another another Megan. I've dated a lot of Megans. This one was no prize.

Debby. You were really smart except you had no self esteem. Be careful or some asshole is going to own you and that would be sad. You're smart and pretty and have great tits. Smaller tits can be awesome too.

Sophia. Liked your name. Liked that you worked out a lot. You seemed nice but you fucked up my credit. User.

Andrea. You had that adorable petit look that I can only call the "Penelope Cruz" look. Too bad you didn't have her personality.

Emily. NOBODY FUCKING CARES YOUR FAMILY IS RICH. You'd be okay if you were not preoccupied with wealth you did not personally acquire.

Dr. Sanderson. You worked to much. You were kinda cold. I thought you were cool though but you are so career motivated you probably did not give a shit about anything else. I got drunk once and thought about asking you to marry me though. I still wonder if you would have.

Elizabeth. You are my wife. My wife is perfect. My life is perfect.

Violet. You are my daughter. When I looked in on you tonight I had that rush of feeling so strong that a shiver went through my whole body and I had to move my hands really quickly to dissipate its physical effect. Before I met you I was a "kids are no big deal, everyone's got kids and they're not that fucking special" kinda guy. You fucking ruined me. I'm gay for kids now. I love you so much baby.

My unborn 6 month old fetal daughter. If you come out retarded or ugly as shit I'll still love and protect you.

Best of Craigslist 5

from the Best of Craigslist:


to the perv who groped me on my way home - w4m
Date: 2008-07-29, 12:04AM EDT

Me: caucasian, white yoga capris and tan tank top
you: Latino, 5'8, in your twenties, sports jersey, short hair, mole on your face.

You might have been following me for a while, Mr. Perv, I don't know - I was on the phone with my mother, venting about my roommate situation (we had to find a new one) and my job search (like, I need a job), when you snuck up behind me, and gently squeezed my ass. Not just the top of my ass, but kinda low, kinda close to my you-know-what, if you know what I mean.

You know, even my boyfriend needs permission to get that close, so having a perfect stranger attempt access so suddenly, so completely out of the blue, triggered my fight-or-flight response. And I *fight*. Did it hurt when I grabbed your collar and punched you in the head? I'm a little worried that I didn't get enough momentum in my swing to make you feel it, seeing as I'm kinda short (5'2"). But you must have felt bad when you took off running and I chased you down so easily - it's not that you're slow, dude, it's just that I run fast, as you might have suspected from the well-muscled form of my posterior, had you been viewing it with its athletic potential in mind.

It was all worth it when you realized you couldn't outrun me and so you stopped with your back to me in shame, and I kicked you in your hole. You might not remember, but I said: "Are you sorry? Are you sorry? Say you're sorry!", and you did. That was great. Then I said: "run on home, you asshole! Run home!" and you did that, too!

Ladies, these pervs are cowards who run in fear when confronted with any kind of resistance. They are weak and pathetic.

To the two guys who came out of their houses when they heard me yelling - thank you for being so aware and willing to help out-especially - Chris, was it? - who walked me home. It's great to know the people here care about the safety of others. Thanks so much.

My mom was really worried, because she heard me start swearing and then the phone went dead (I closed it so I could chase the motherf*cker down) and she thought I had been hit by a car. When I told her what happened, she told me not to be so agro, and pointed out that he could of had a knife or something. True. You're right, mom.

But you're unlucky if you're from this neighborhood, Mr. Perv. Cause I'm here ALL THE TIME (no job, remember?) and next time I'll MACE YOUR FACE.

Best of Craigslist 4

from the Best of Craigslist:


Girls Piss Me Off ! ! !
Date: 2008-07-17, 8:50AM MST

Girls Piss Me Off ! ! !
Girls Piss Me Off.. "can you tell i'm single"? ? ?

I swear that if I wasn't sexually attracted to girls that I'd be gay. At least
guys make sense most the time.

First off, girls just talk way too much. When you're with your other girlfriends, go ahead and talk about whatever the fuck you want. I don't care. But why exactly do you think that I care about the kind of day that your sisters co-workers dog had? Your sister is nice enough, but I don't know her co-worker and I certainly don't know her dog. So why the fuck are you telling me this story? I don't care! If you have something worth talking about, then I can enjoy engaging you in a meaningful conversation. But before you start talking to me about some of the insane frivolous shit that you talk to your girlfriends about, first ask yourself "Does this have a point?". Because if it doesn't I'm just going to smile, and nod, and zone out and you'll get mad because I'm not listening to your retarded shit!

Stop over complicating everything. There isn't an ulterior motive or hidden meaning in every other sentence. Unless, I suppose, it's coming out of the mouth of another woman. Because you ladies never can seem to say what you actually mean. You have this weird secret code that you love to try and crack and expect us guys to be able to get in on your stupid game. Guys aren't like that. Rarely rarely RARELY will you ever have to figure out what a guy is actually saying. We say what we mean. Girls have such a skewed sense of logic that this simple concept is often lost on them. When you go searching for some deeper meaning that isn't there, you're just committing to an act of futility. In the end you wind up making up some bullshit and believing that it must be true and acting on that false reality and making a mess of something for no apparent reason other than the fact that you're in-fucking-sane.

Stop getting upset at guys for trying to help solve your problems. That's what guys do. You present us with a problem, we're going to try and fix it. It's in our fucking nature. I know it's in your nature to want to talk about everything, but if you're going to bring up your problems to a guy, expect that he's going to try and do something about it or give you advice. Women always bitch that guys don't listen. It's not that we don't listen, we just don't understand why you're bringing up your problems if you don't want us to do something about it. We're not as empathetic as your girlfriends, so if you want empathy, go to them. Likewise, if guys have a problem, they'll probably only bring it up if they need help or advice. Many women will bitch that guys don't talk enough. It's not that guys don't talk, it's just that your empathy doesn't help solve our problems when we do talk.

One of the most insanely frustrating things about women is the constant reassurance. No, you're not fat. If you were fat you wouldn't be able to fit into that size 2 dress. And yes, you look good. Guys wouldn't be giving you free shit if you were ugly. (There's an ulterior fucking motive for you. Hint: They're not giving you free stuff just to be sweet.) It's so frustrating having to constantly answer those questions, only to not be believed. It's like trying to convince someone that the sky is blue. You're not blind, you're not even color blind. You can see that the sky is blue. Yet you continue to ask what color the sky is. I tell you it's blue. I know that you know what color blue is. And even though I've told you that the sky is blue about fifty-million times, you still have to ask because...I don't know...maybe it's not blue today. The sky is fucking blue goddammit! You're not fucking fat! You're not fucking ugly! You know it, I know it, everyone fucking knows it!

And fuck all you ultra-hot girls that bitch about the most retarded things. Yeah, all men are fucking pigs because they stare at your boobs. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that you're wearing a skin tight low cut shirt that has 'Bebe' printed across your boobs... one 'Be' per boob. It's totally unfair that you have to put up with guys staring at you all the time just because you like to look sexy. And boo hoo, it's so hard for you to meet a nice guy. Well actually it isn't, because the shoulder your crying on belongs to a nice guy. He's the one that puts up with all your stupid shit. And yet you some how end up with all the assholes. I'm sure that it has nothing to do with the fact that you're holding out for a six foot tall alpha-male fire fighter with a trust fund.

And finally, yay for you. You sold a freezer to some eskimos. Congratulations on being the hot sales rep. We're all very proud of you for being able to have a nice ass while the rest of us actually have to work for a living. And we're all so excited to see your new diamond jewelry. Your ability to date another rich fucktard that will shower you with expensive bobbles is commendable. And I'll be so surprised and sorry for you when he dumps you for the next hot girl. Because I really thought that materialistic trophy bagger was in love with you. But I'm
happy to hear that you wrecked your fifth car while multi-tasking between your cell phone and doing your make up in the mirror. Your dedication to enforcing the stereotype of women drivers is nothing short of awe inspiring. And you're right, I was being a shallow douchebag when I commented on the hotness of Eva Longoria. So lets go see that movie where Johnny Depp makes out with Orlando Bloom on Brad Pitts abs. I know you've been dying to see that one.

Girls...you piss me the fuck off. You do stupid shit and manage to get away with it. You can be the most annoying idiots in the world. Your sense of logic and common sense seems to be a rare gift rather than a common trait. And yet I'm uncontrollably attracted to you. And that's quite possibly the most frustrating thing of all.

--YES I'M STILL SINGLE

Best of Craigslist 3

from the Best of Craigslist:


Manly Bike for Sale
Date: 2008-07-22, 10:18AM PDT

Bike for sale

What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".

The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Philipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.

The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.

The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or anything.

I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:

Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.

Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey asshole, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".

Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)

Best of Craigslist 2

from the Best of Craigslist:


MY BRA- I'D LIKE IT BACK. NO DATE REQUIRED. - w4m
Date: 2008-08-02, 11:10AM PDT

ok. so i don't know really how to go about this.

basically, i was your one night stand last night and need my most important item of clothing back--> my bra.

so yes, i was totally fine with the fact that when i left this morning we didn't exchange phone numbers (or names...); no big deal. but once i got home and sobered up, i realized, that we maybe should have because i left my bra at your house.

first off, i want to get something clear. this is no victoria secret-esq type bra. this is an imported good were talking about. princess tam tam - french lingerie.

ok. specifics about you. (what i remember.) they are not going to be too specific because my friends are on this all the time and think i took a cab home last night.

you are:
1) outrageously tall and good looking.
2) a commercial real estate broker from the san jose, but lives in the financial district in the city with an asian friend whom i believe, was celebrating his birthday.
3) going to slide saturday night.
4) really into golf, in fact went friday.
5) a fan of red gummy bears.

i am:
1) someone who obviously loves her underwear.
2) obsessed with french everything.
3) not really into children. something we have in common.
4) occasionally from time to time caught wearing my clothes inside out.
5) "anna"- (my name.)


so, where to go from here. basically, i'm willing to do whatever it takes. i can come pick it up, you can mail it to me, i can just have you leave it outside your building at a certain agreed upon time. what ever.

i hope to god you don't feel weird about this, because i don't. i obviously didn't leave it there on purpose. like i said, i'm not looking for you to take me out or call me. for god's sake, i'm resorting to craigslist for a grey bra. it's just a super cute one and i want it back. plus, it doesn't seem like you'll use it. you just didn't come off as that type.

please people. if this is you, or sounds like someone you know who fits this "john doe" profile, please contact me.

Best of Craigslist 1

from the Best of Craigslist:


You were being shoved into a Dallas Police car. - m4w
Date: 2008-08-14, 8:58AM CDT

I shouted "fuck the police"...you made the black panther fist. You got tasered, I got goosebumps. Your hair is very pretty. Let's chat after you make bail.



We live together
Date: 2008-07-17, 8:59PM EDT

I keep passing you on the way to the fridge. I'm sure you've noticed me - I think you're looking at me out the corner of your eye when I get in and out of the bed we share. I waved at you several times over the weekend as we were sitting down to meals. At breakfast this morning you ate the oatmeal I made, but didn't seem to notice my gesticulating. I know it's unlikely you'll see this, but if you do and something clicks, get back to me.

* Location: my apt



josh from the frat house on 15th - w4m
Date: 2008-06-19, 11:24AM EDT

I'm pregnant.

* Location: campus